I Am So Smrt

I am so mad at myself right now. I don't know what I was thinking. I don't know where my head has been. So, okay, I'm not the most organized person. Far from it. There are plans, there are systems that I have put in place, but then the system rules are forgotten, and in the midst of what can be a neatly kept, seemingly organized space, I can't find anything. Keeping this in mind, I am not the most punctual with filing my taxes. I never owe and so it's tough to get motivated, and, in connection with my organizing issues, I never know where all of my T4's and receipts and stuff are at the same time. So! I haven't filed my taxes for this year yet. I kind of view it as a savings account, with money that I can't access. And then when I'm really short and need some extra cash flow, I file, and BANG! There's money in my pocket! Okay, I understand that it is not the way most people choose to live, but, hey, it has worked for me for many years now.
How does this relate to my adoption, perhaps you are wondering. Well, I need to include a notice of assessment in my dossier when I send it off to Imagine right away here, only, because I am an IDIOT (I'm so ticked at myself right now, I had a good frustration cry yesterday), I have to delay, and wait for my new T4's to come from Revenue Canada (Arg) and then file (and though it won't take more than an hour to actually do the taxes, it'll be a few weeks before Revenue Canada processes them and gets that Oh So Important Notice of Assessment to me). Sucks! I'm so choked. I don't know how I could have overlooked such an important detail. I have everything I need once my provincial approval comes back to me this week or next, except that now. And so because I am ridiculously disorganized when it comes to taxes, my adoption will be delayed for up to 2 months! I'm trying not to lose my mind. "It'll all happen in God's time," my sister says. "Your little girl is there and will be there when your stuff is together." And my head knows that, but still.
On a related front, this total lapse on my part has me worried. If I mess things up and fail to do what I need to when I have been matched and my girl is waiting for me, and my only real role as a parent at that time is to get organized and make sure paperwork is being filed as needed so she can come home as quick as possible, then it is she who will be stuck with the consequences -- that being that she will spend more time in an orphanage instead of a proper home.
Hopefully this eye-opener will cause me to be that much more diligent about everything that needs to be done. Maybe that was the point of this whole thing. If I mess up with paperwork now, it is me who pays, as I will end up waiting that much longer for the dossier to be sent, and for my match. If I mess up later, it is my girl who pays, really. I guess I should be thankful that it happened now and not later. Funny how writing can really get these things worked out in a person's mind. Where I was so ticked at myself when I first started writing, now I'm just glad it happened now, to get me aware and conscious that I really need to do better.