Major Adoption-Related Events

  • 09-04-29 Part One Sponsorship Application Completed and Sent
  • 08-11-04 Dossier in Ethiopia -- the wait begins
  • 08-10-24 Dossier on its way to Ethiopia
  • 08-10-23 Dossier back to Imagine
  • 08-10-17 Dossier to Ottawa
  • 08-10-07 Dossier (finally complete) at Imagine
  • 08-09-10 Dossier (most) Sent to Imagine
  • 08-09-04 Provincial Approval Received
  • 08-07-08 Completed Dossier Sent to Province for Approval
  • 08-06-26 HAR Signed and sent back to ABC
  • 08-05-16 HAR Started
  • 08-04-22 Int'l Adoption Self-Study Course Completed
  • 08-04-07 Application sent to ABC
  • 08-02-19 Initial Application faxed to Imagine
  • 08-02-16 References Requested from Friends

Thursday, March 26, 2009


Why am I so tired? Seriously! I’m going to bed early, waking up at a decent hour to try and get my stuff together and not be stressed out before I have to go to work, and still… EXHAUSTED!!! There’s no reason for it, but as soon as I wake up in the morning, I’m pretty much ready for bed. Ugh. I’m in need of a holiday. And I need report cards to be over. Yep. That would be nice. And maybe some iron, come to think of it. I should pick up some kiwis.
Anyway, since I have nothing much else to say, I’ll tell about my two favorite Jonah-moments:
This morning, I told Jonah that I was going to jump in the shower.
J: You don’t need a shower.
M: Yes, I do.
J: But your hair doesn’t look stinky!
(Yeah, I don’t know where that came from)
And the other day:
J: You’re my favorite mam.
M: And you’re my favorite boy.
J: And I would never give you away.
M: Me neither.
I love that kid. He is so good (most of the time) and genuinely good-hearted. And he loves to cuddle, which I don’t mind either.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

CBC: I've Never Like You

Okay, so who saw that Friday night news story on CBC? I was warned of it a couple of weeks ago in an email from the agency. And matching the expectations I had for it, it was not good for sure. Because of that, in combination with the CBC article that came out on their website this week, entitled, "Buying Babies," I think we adoptive parents need to be prepared for the many questions people are bound to ask. While I do agree that the story was absolutely focused on the negative, completely disregarded any positives, and was definitely one-sided, there was that one family that adopted, and on the referral it said "unknown" under both the "Parents Names" and "deceased" under the "Status" category. The parents were right to say, that seemed strange, because if you know they are dead, then shouldn't you know their names? That made sense to me, but I guess there are always strange circumstances. But it was their choice to accept that referral, even though it seemed sketchy to them. So to then put that on the agency, I don't know. They need to take some responsibility in that I think. But of course, it's easy for me to say.
Anyway. I've been thinking plenty about the broadcast since I saw it, and though I know not all adoptions are done in an ethical way, I do think the vast majority of them are. And to decide not to continue, in light of this sort of thing, especially when the government has tightened the reigns and taken measures to prevent exactly this sort of thing, would not sit well with me either. I am not going shopping for a child. I am waiting to be matched with a child who needs to be taken care of outside an institution, and who needs to feel valued and loved. Am I doing it for me? Absolutely. But am I also glad that my girl will get a forever family who can provide for her well? Of course.
I can't help her family. I don't even know who they are. And even when I meet them, if in fact I can, when I go pick her up, I can't offer help then. I'd love to give them money. I'd love to make sure they are taken care of, and maybe do what I can financially to help them start a business or whatever to support the birth family. But I can't. It's not allowed for the very reason that it could be twisted and appear that I am buying my girl. It sucks, because I'm sure most every family adopting, would like to help out the birth families, if for no other reason that to be able to tell their child that they are okay. To have to leave them without offering anything, except maybe photos, is brutal. I wish I could do more.
I sort of figured out something. It's not as good, but it'll do. I signed up today to start sponsoring a couple of other children in Ethiopia. A 9-year-old boy who lives with his grandfather, and a 10-year-old girl with 2 siblings who live with their father and step-mother, who are unemployed and cannot feed the family. It doesn't help my girl, but it puts my mind at ease to a point, that another family will not have to suffer the same loss as my girl's bio-family.
I have many scattered thoughts on the topic, so sorry for the rambling. I guess the point is, that there is no perfect answer here. Things aren't always going to be done as well as they should. Is it okay to make mistakes at an institutional level? Well, no, not really, but it is going to happen. And then hopefully, because of those flaws, things will be changed and fixed. The point though, is that there really are great things that can come from the process -- families completed: children being matched with parents, and want-to-be-parents being matched with children. Money from the adoptions going into Ethiopia, and trickling down to hopefully help people at many levels. And in the case of IA, going to build a compound which will provide quality care to many children, medical help and education to a community... I know it may be a bit of a band-aid solution, but even so, a band-aid is better than a festering wound.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Time Stands Still

There’s nothing new or exciting on the adoption front. But that’s not news. Things continue to move slowly, timelines continue to get extended, and so for those of us in this limbo of waiting for a referral, time stands still. And life moves on. Without this little person I’ve been waiting for. I just have to remind myself that she will at some point be dropped into our lives, but for now, she is a dream. I suppose this is the same as with any couple waiting to have a child. Pregnancy is not a guarantee, and for very few, it comes exactly when planned. Such is life, and this adoption (or any adoption, I’d wager) is not as I planned, so it, in that way, is the same as any other.
I’m moving on. My life is going forward. I’ve applied for other teaching jobs, not knowing if that’ll end up doing more harm than good to my career. I have a permanent contract right now with the school district, but I’m just not as satisfied with where I am as I’d like to be. I’ve always wanted to live on the coast, and so I’m taking the plunge. I’m checking out jobs on the coast. Hopefully it’ll all be okay. I guess I should check to see how that affects my adoption, and if it will bring it to a halt, I may have to delay, but right now, I just need to be looking forward, focused on the future, and not dwelling on the present, because while I do my best not to think about my girl at all, when I do, it is a weight on my chest.
So I’m looking forward.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Amendment On Its Way

So I went to the post office yesterday to check on that package, and indeed it was the long awaited amendment to my HAR. It, along with my PRV stuff is in the mail today. Another milestone, but it doesn't really seem that significant. I'm plugging away at this point, not really excited or frustrated. I just am. Maybe because I had one of my students over last night to babysit, and when I got home, I chatted with her for nearly 2 hours before she went home, so I am tired. I'm a little nervous about having a student hanging out at my house one-on-one, but I'll make sure that next time, it's not just the two of us. It's too bad that at this time, being friendly with a student off school grounds can put my entire career at risk. Brutal.
Oh, one cute Jonah story from last week: we we doing bedtime routines and I was tucking him in and he was ready to pray. Most of the time, he tells me what to pray for, but that night, he wanted to pray. So we talked about what he wanted to say, and then he started:
J: God? (pauses, looks at me) He's not there.
M: He's there. He's listening, even when you don't hear him.
J: Huh (looking mighty skeptical).
It was pretty sweet. I just like to write these things down, so I don't forget.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

4 Months and an Amendment

Well today officially marks the 4 month point. I'm guessing it is not even a third of the way, and as much as I really really want my girl, I am surprisingly able to calm myself by thinking, "Hey, all in good time." It kind of makes me sound like I don't care, but I really do. It just doesn't help to be stressing about it, and I know my blog has been inconsistent (or consistently few and far between in posts) but it just helps me to pass the time quickly when I am not on a message board stalking blog-a-thon. I still read the blogs on my list, I just do it quickly so I can celebrate the highs with these friends, and encourage where I can when things are tough.
I think my amendment is in my mail box. I hope so anyway. I got something I have to sign for, but only got the card after the post office closed yesterday, and I left P-town for E-town this morning before it reopened. I have teacher's convention in Edmonton, and had a dentist appointment this morning and so came out a day early. I also got to see one of my students who was in a serious ski accident last week, and who is in the Stollery being rehabilitated. It's hard to hear about this great girl who I absolutely adore not being able to talk and having to learn to walk again, even though less than 2 weeks ago we weren't sure she was going to make it. It was bad. But the progress in the last week and a half makes me very hopeful that she will recover, and I just have to hope and pray that who she is once she's healed is close to the girl who she was before the crash. My girl was sleeping, but I left a gift for her, and her sister told me she'd let her know I'd been by. I might try to go in again before I head back home.
What else, what else? Oh, I think I may have a blind date next month during spring break. My best friend Becky has been telling me about this fellow that she says she'd go for if she weren't already dating and living with his friend. He's a good Christian guy, carpenter, and sounds like he's pretty responsible, and he didn't leave a cloud of dust when she told him about me, including the fact that I am adopting. Huh. Does such a guy exist? He apparently has agreed to double date and meet me over spring break, so I guess if that actually works out, we'll see.
Anyway, I am home for the first evening in weeks and just came down to check my email, and think I'd better boogie back upstairs to visit with my mam.
Cheers, all.