A New Outlook

I spent the last week doing some backyard renos (building a fence mainly) and some thinking about this whole adoption deal. I was really blue as I wrote about being stumped for what to pray for. But I read another person's blog today and she expressed similar sadness over the "we gain they lose" part of adoption. No doubt it is very sad for the families who are giving up their children, and certainly they mourn the loss as we would. But the fact remains that there is a need for adoptive families to care for these many children. Do we do it because we are die-hard humanitarians, out to save the world? Of course not! We do it because we want a child/ children. But regardless of our motivation, the fact remains that there are kids in orphanages in Ethiopia, and we can pray like crazy, and sometimes it's still just God's will that they are there.
I'm thinking now of my old friend Julian who died last month in a car crash. A great, godly guy who did ministry full-time and was a dedicated dad and loving husband and had a pregnant wife and his family made it out okay, but he died. I don't understand why. I can't help but think that he was more valuable to God on this earth than I am, and yet his life ended and mine continues (and I'm so grateful for it). Sometimes it's just part of the plan. I heard somewhere that we can't see what is going on, because it's as if we are looking at the back side of a cross-stitch. And there are clues as to what it's all about -- what's on the other side -- but it is never fully clear. So I just have to trust that there is a plan, and it will work out regardless of my understanding of God's direction.
And so I will pray for the families struggling to care for their little ones and I will pray for their health and success, and all the blessings in the world. And you know what? I don't think it will impact whether or not a child is eventually placed with me. If prayer does make a difference (and I believe it does), then maybe I'll wait longer for my girl. Maybe I'll cause us all to wait longer -- who knows? But somewhere out there is my girl. And for whatever reason, she needs a home. It's written somewhere in the plan. And I ache for her. I am so excited about her. Would I like her sooner rather than later? Of course! I think everyone who is waiting would like that. But I can be patient. I can wait knowing that she will someday come, and that I haven't prayed her away from her family (I know it wouldn't actually work that way, but I wouldn't want it on my conscience), but that she has been given to me for a reason.