CBC: I've Never Like You

Okay, so who saw that Friday night news story on CBC? I was warned of it a couple of weeks ago in an email from the agency. And matching the expectations I had for it, it was not good for sure. Because of that, in combination with the CBC article that came out on their website this week, entitled, "Buying Babies," I think we adoptive parents need to be prepared for the many questions people are bound to ask. While I do agree that the story was absolutely focused on the negative, completely disregarded any positives, and was definitely one-sided, there was that one family that adopted, and on the referral it said "unknown" under both the "Parents Names" and "deceased" under the "Status" category. The parents were right to say, that seemed strange, because if you know they are dead, then shouldn't you know their names? That made sense to me, but I guess there are always strange circumstances. But it was their choice to accept that referral, even though it seemed sketchy to them. So to then put that on the agency, I don't know. They need to take some responsibility in that I think. But of course, it's easy for me to say.
Anyway. I've been thinking plenty about the broadcast since I saw it, and though I know not all adoptions are done in an ethical way, I do think the vast majority of them are. And to decide not to continue, in light of this sort of thing, especially when the government has tightened the reigns and taken measures to prevent exactly this sort of thing, would not sit well with me either. I am not going shopping for a child. I am waiting to be matched with a child who needs to be taken care of outside an institution, and who needs to feel valued and loved. Am I doing it for me? Absolutely. But am I also glad that my girl will get a forever family who can provide for her well? Of course.
I can't help her family. I don't even know who they are. And even when I meet them, if in fact I can, when I go pick her up, I can't offer help then. I'd love to give them money. I'd love to make sure they are taken care of, and maybe do what I can financially to help them start a business or whatever to support the birth family. But I can't. It's not allowed for the very reason that it could be twisted and appear that I am buying my girl. It sucks, because I'm sure most every family adopting, would like to help out the birth families, if for no other reason that to be able to tell their child that they are okay. To have to leave them without offering anything, except maybe photos, is brutal. I wish I could do more.
I sort of figured out something. It's not as good, but it'll do. I signed up today to start sponsoring a couple of other children in Ethiopia. A 9-year-old boy who lives with his grandfather, and a 10-year-old girl with 2 siblings who live with their father and step-mother, who are unemployed and cannot feed the family. It doesn't help my girl, but it puts my mind at ease to a point, that another family will not have to suffer the same loss as my girl's bio-family.
I have many scattered thoughts on the topic, so sorry for the rambling. I guess the point is, that there is no perfect answer here. Things aren't always going to be done as well as they should. Is it okay to make mistakes at an institutional level? Well, no, not really, but it is going to happen. And then hopefully, because of those flaws, things will be changed and fixed. The point though, is that there really are great things that can come from the process -- families completed: children being matched with parents, and want-to-be-parents being matched with children. Money from the adoptions going into Ethiopia, and trickling down to hopefully help people at many levels. And in the case of IA, going to build a compound which will provide quality care to many children, medical help and education to a community... I know it may be a bit of a band-aid solution, but even so, a band-aid is better than a festering wound.