Major Adoption-Related Events

  • 09-04-29 Part One Sponsorship Application Completed and Sent
  • 08-11-04 Dossier in Ethiopia -- the wait begins
  • 08-10-24 Dossier on its way to Ethiopia
  • 08-10-23 Dossier back to Imagine
  • 08-10-17 Dossier to Ottawa
  • 08-10-07 Dossier (finally complete) at Imagine
  • 08-09-10 Dossier (most) Sent to Imagine
  • 08-09-04 Provincial Approval Received
  • 08-07-08 Completed Dossier Sent to Province for Approval
  • 08-06-26 HAR Signed and sent back to ABC
  • 08-05-16 HAR Started
  • 08-04-22 Int'l Adoption Self-Study Course Completed
  • 08-04-07 Application sent to ABC
  • 08-02-19 Initial Application faxed to Imagine
  • 08-02-16 References Requested from Friends

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Discouraged

My Internet at home is no longer in existence, so my posts may become less frequent as I have to type them up at work when I should be, well, working.
I've been doing so much thinking in the last week or so about the email that was sent out informing us of the changes in court and what not. Brutal. Crappy. That's about all I can say. And I get that it is about keeping kids safe and protecting families, but still. Yuck. I mean, I can't help but wonder how many children adopted under the old procedure were done so illegally. Were there any? I guess I should be happy that they are making a preemptive strike to ensure that it doesn't happen (even if it hasn't been happening up to this point). Well. I don't really know what more to say about it except to echo what probably hundreds of others are thinking or saying. What a disappointment.
When I started this whole thing last year, I thought maybe my girl would be about 3 years younger than my boy. 3 1/2 I guess. Then with the adjusted wait times, I thought, okay, maybe more like 4 years different. But now? My guy turns 4 in April, and I am pretty sure that I will not be seeing my girl's picture until the summer. Scratch that. Fall. Boo.
I really thought that hoping for a summer referral was very reasonable. I thought that I was being safe so I could avoid disappointment. Err on the side of caution, I told myself. But now? I'm not sure I can be cautious enough. I have readjusted my hopes to summer 2010 travel (makes me want to cry), seeing as babes will now have to wait longer to be with their forever families and therefore, will spend more time in the transition homes, and so referrals will also take longer because those referral spots will be occupied by court date babies. I'm trying so hard to be okay with that. But I'm not. This feels like the first in a very long series of let-downs in this process. It honestly makes me question if I'm strong enough. I guess this whole deal makes you strong enough. You don't have a choice, because once you see your sweet babe's face, there is nothing so awful that could make you give her up. But oh, I can see it now... it's going to be a long hard road.
My mam still thinks that maybe I should foster-to-adopt through the province, and I'll admit, it is mighty tempting. I mean, realistically, I am in it now, and I'll stick it out, but how sweet would it be to have a little one with me from birth, and to wait out time for court dates while raising my girl? Mighty sweet. And I know that foster-to-adopt is not a guarantee. When my girl comes home, she is mine. And she will be mine forever. And some foster-to-adoptees will go back to birth parents. But not many. Very very few. If I knew how few when I started, I might've gone that way I'll admit.
I'm not trying to sound like a quitter. I'm in it for the long haul and just have to try and push this out of my mind until the ball gets rolling again. Come on ball. But it is true that I make a conscious effort not to think of it. To fill my mind with anything else. I know I am only two months in, and the wait so far has flown, but it is the mountain ahead of me that has me so discouraged. I hope it's true that prayer can move mountains.

11 comments:

Dianne said...

Hey Melissa,

It's too bad the hard part has to turn our to be almost the entire process, hey?

As much as the referral delays make you *crazy*, I'm looking forward to the day that you say they are what brought you to the exact little person that you can not imagine life without.

And this new court stuff... well... some families have made it through on round 1 (just not us!! Grrrrrrr.) I think part of the delay happens when the various parties aren't prepared for the changes - and now they will be. I'm hoping that after this initially rough transition things will get better.

I'm with you, though, I was stunned that these measures were not previously in place. But I also think that the matters at hand were being addressed, just not at the level that would have them reviewed at the national court level. This added level should make it even harder for things to go wrong for a child and birthfamilies.

Eye on the prize, friend. Eye on the prize. I can't wait to see you get there.

Dianne

The Mannings said...

hi - i am feeling the same way - 2010 just seems so far away. I have a feeling we will have a few more delays till its all said and done...
All i can say is i hear you - this waiting and uncertainty sucks.
The good news is that people are making it through court and i can smell some referrals on the horizon - gotta be some soon!

Derrick, Alysia, and Levi said...

Yup, I hear you. We've readjusted our timelines too, hoping for travel by summer of 2010. I'm REALLY still hoping for a referral before Christmas. We're a month behind you. So it would be 12.5 months of waiting by Christmas time. I think that's reasonable to think we could get a referral by then, but only God knows what will really happen. I've pretty much adjusted my mind to the fact that I will be teaching for another full year after this one. I had hoped this would be my last for awhile. But when we have our little ones in our arms, I'm sure it will all be more than worthwhile. Take care!
Alysia

hazel said...

Stick with it, Melissa.

Yeah, I don't know which side 'the side of caution' is on anymore. They keep moving it.

Lorie said...

Hard to believe when we started we were told 2-4mos.Here we are at 8 and the only thing my CW can guarantee is that we'll have a referral before our docs expire in November.

Some days are harder than others. I hope that unlike me you have more good days than bad!!

Lorie

Barbara said...

I agree - eye on the prize. i like that.

Anonymous said...

If you do decide to pursue foster-to-adopt at the same time as you are waiting, if you have any questions, pop me off an e-mail. We went the foster-to-adopt route four times and successfully completed three adoptions that way.

We are also thinking that the new changes will push us to 2010, so disappointing! Hang in there!

Mamato2 said...

I am just going to keep focussing on my original timelines and pray the Universe agrees :)

mc said...

I can so relate...we've been waiting about the same amount of time as you, and it can be so, so discouraging thinking about the ever-lengthening timelines. Let's hope that the kinks in the court process will get ironed out and the wait post-referral will be swift!!

Mary Catherine

Single PAP said...

melissa,

i can hear your anguish in your post and i know exactly how you are feeling. if you were thinking at all about 3 children i would reconsider foster to adopt, i know i have. if that child gets reunited with his/her family (and it sounds like in your area it is a low probability) yes, that will be very difficult. but your ethiopian babe will be just around the corner at that point and the joy with that meeting will help somewhat with the the loss of the other child. a friend of mine wanted to do that with a 2011 projected court year and her agency told her she wasn't allowed! if yours does i would look into it cause this whole thing is so precarious and unpredictable.

of course we want our children to be brought to us under ethical circumstances but that doesn't make waiting much easier.

hang in there. this process will make us stronger!!


laura

Anonymous said...

There were many done illegally under the old system...mine included. It sucks to wait for a referral....but it is a MUCH bigger hurt to deal with the knowledge of an unethical adoption for your entire life. We deal with it daily as we see our incredible child and know that the laws were not in place to protect our child and birth family from corruption....and yes...we did adopt in Canada...and the many I am referring to were also Canadian...sad, tragic but true. Though my child is amazing and we are so blessed...I would take a longer wait...much much longer to know that the adoption was ethical and legal.