A couple of not so exciting developments: my back is miraculously healed. Seriously, a miracle. Yesterday, it still hurt. And I took a pill for the pain yesterday afternoon, to relax those muscles, and I haven't needed one since. I'm at 100% today. Yay!
A kind of irritating development in my interactions with Jonah's dad. In the spring, he fell off the planet. No contact for 3 long months. My boy cried all the time, about missing his dad and talked about how his dad didn't like him, and he didn't like his dad. He saw a pic of his dad and called him by our neighbor's name, and pointed at random shaven-headed strangers on the street and said, "Daddy!" It was a crappy time.
Then he bounced back in. And I was so mad at him and hurt for Jonah and thought he was such an @$$, I wanted nothing to do with him, except that Jonah isn't old enough to make plans with his dad on his own. So I talked to his girlfriend and told her I'd find it easier to deal with her, and she was fine with it. They live together and whatever, so it's just as easy to communicate through her, and she's happy to be in the Jonah-loop. The problem? Now they are coming out here on a regular basis and wanting to take Jonah for regular visits. Okay, I know this isn't actually a problem, because it's good for my boy, I just feel like it's not reflective of his dad's level of interest. I mean, he was so inconsistent (well, actually he was consistently disinterested it seemed), and now visits are like clockwork, thanks to the girlfriend. I know this is good for Jonah, but if they ever break up, Jonah will have these expectations of his father, and Jon is not likely to pull through and deliver.
Anyway, I emailed the girlfriend this week. She had sent me a note about setting up a visit on Sunday. I emailed her back that a visit would be fine, but when we are in E-town, I'd like Jon to come by himself, because it shows initiative on his part, and it's important to see that contact is what he wants, and that he isn't just coming because the girlfriend tells him to (I said it nicely though). I didn't really think it was a big deal -- visits are about Jonah and his dad, and wanting to see Jon prove that he is actually interested in contact -- I don't think it is totally unreasonable. Anyway, she emailed me back this eloquently worded note, that basically said, "That's nice. I'm still coming." So to be clearer, I emailed her back saying that I feel like we (she and I) are the adults in all of this, making play-dates for our boys, and this is not how it should be, and that I just wanted him to put in some effort. I really thought (and think) this is fair.
So Jon calls to say he'll pick Jonah up in the morning -- no problem. But then, they both show up. She waits in the car, then they take Jonah back to their place. When they dropped him off again she waved from the car. Yeah. I'm done with her. I know I sound unreasonable and petty. But I'm so annoyed at being completely disregarded by them. I was clear, I think even fairly reasonable. All I wanted was some effort from Jon -- an indicator of his intentions and commitment to his son. And what irks me is the total disregard from their end. I'm so mad.
Now you all probably think I'm a big petty jerk, but ever since Jonah's been born, I've made requests of Jon (you know, like "change Jonah a few times today," and "feed him around noon") and he doesn't care. If I ask something of him, he does the opposite (which explains the baby soaked up to his armpits, put down for a one o'clock nap without being offered lunch -- true story). I'm so over dealing with him. And she's out of the loop. If he wants to see our boy, he's going to have to make the arrangements. I'm not setting up play-dates with his mom/girlfriend anymore.
I can highly recommend it!
4 months ago