The Invisible Parent Returns

I need to go to bed! But I just love my quiet time at the end of the day because I spend the rest of my waking hours around loud students and my loud boy. He's so noisy! I don't really even realize it until we are around other people, and then I'm a little embarrassed because he yells instead of talking when he plays.
I finished writing the ELA 8 final so it's ready to photocopy and that's good. But I have a whole pile of marking still to do. I don't know how I can possibly get everything done that I need to.
Jon called yesterday (Saturday). I guess my mam ran into his girlfriend Brandy on Friday and they talked and Brandy said, "I wish they could just work it out." "So do I," mam said, "Jonah really misses his dad." "Jon misses him too," said Brandy. "But he's the adult," countered my mam. Good. It's hard for me not to be totally vindictive to Jon when he's hurt me so badly, and now I have to see him hurt Jonah. I just want to be so mean and tell him he doesn't deserve our boy. That he is inconsistent and if he really cared, he'd try harder. But it's not about me, and it doesn't help anything to be like that.
So my mam told Brandy that we were coming into town this weekend, and he should call. And he did. He talked to Jonah. And then he talked to me. He apologized for not having paid until then, and told me he had it sorted out now, so I should be getting direct deposits. And he told me he's going to try harder. I told him that would be good. I want Jonah to have his dad in his life, I just want him to be a good dad. I don't think he expected to see Jonah this weekend, but I don't want to keep having this tension, so I asked what he was doing the next day, and then asked if he wanted to see him. We met at the mall and he took Jonah around for an hour while I bought a new swimsuit and some kids' clothes. It was kind of nice to have an hour to just shop. He was about 7 minutes late coming back to the meeting place, and I couldn't help but feel very anxious thinking, what if he's taken Jonah? Irrational, but there none the less. I told my mam that and she just said, "You never have to worry about that. It would require a life change from Jon to take Jonah full time." True. I guess I don't need to worry. But I do hold out hope that we'll be able to have some sort of system where Jon and Jonah have a close relationship, and I don't feel like spitting when I see him.