A Song in my Heart

What's going on? Two posts in as many days? Wow.
I couldn't help but be uplifted this morning when I woke up to my favorite guy cuddled up next to me, as he awoke and immediately burst into song! How can I not wake up on the right side of the bed? He woke up singing, and throughout the morning as we got ready for the day he continued. He didn't have all the words right, but these are them. (I actually caught it on my camera video as I snuck up behind him coloring, but I have no idea how to put it on my blog. If you know, you could feel free to advise me. I know how to get it onto the computer, but that's it.)

Be My Guide
by Brian Thiessen

Be my guide, God of Abraham
Lead me by Your hand, You are strong and wise,
I want to trust in You
And in all I do bring you honor and praise

How I love You,
Great and Mighty King
You are faithful,
Through the ages You never change

Be my guide in the dark of night,
Set all fear to flight, You are hope and truth,
I want to trust in You
And in all I do bring you honor and praise.

Be my guide for the road ahead
And should I feel misled, You are just and good
I want to trust in You
And in all I do bring you honor and praise.

It is the song I've been singing, humming and whistling since Sunday. I suppose he was bound to catch it!

No, I have not ceased to exist

Well, it's been about a hundred years since I last wrote anything, and anyone who did follow along may have long ago lost interest. I have. Instead of writing, I continue to read about other people's lives.
I am sort of lost right now which is why I have not posted. I am planless in life. At crossroads, and not sure which way to turn. I had felt very sure that what I should be doing is missions work and so I explored my option there and continue to do so. I have looked at fostering but seeing as I have no idea where I'll be a few months down the road, it doesn't seem like a good call. I don't want to be another notch in a child's belt; another home to stay at before being ejected. If I foster, I want it to commit to it for a good chunk of time. I'm not sure I'm there right now, so that thought is on hold. There's a job in Nanaimo that I'm still working through applying for. They want my transcripts and so I'm waiting for those to come. And then just yesterday, my mam called and told me to sent in my application to E-town (where all the people I love live), because the school board is advertising. That NEVER happens! So as soon as my transcripts arrive, I will send them off with my application, and we'll see where that road leads.
Hard to say at this point which way I'll go. I still have yet to hear from Imagine or BDO which makes sense -- they are in the early stages of rebirth still -- but it's hard to just sit tight. When I think that it may well be still two years before I hold my girl, I'm discouraged to the point of giving up. Don't worry, I won't actually give up, but it hurts my heart to think of it. My guy will probably be six before he gets to be a brother. And I'll be 34. It's not old, but it's older than I had hoped for.
Anyway. Didn't want to be all sad and boring, but whatever. I'll buck up another day. If you need something to make you laugh, go HERE. I laughed aloud. This makes me want a husband.

The Plan Passed.

Well, the plan passed on Monday with 93% support. I am super excited, but you will notice a shortage of exclamation marks in this post, even though the event merits them. I am so hopeful, but I am numb too. I mean, I so want things to move forward. SOOOO want things to move forward. But after this dip in the road, it's hard to be totally convinced. I am eager to send off my first payment to get the ball rolling, but am very reserved with my excitement. I haven't told anyone except close friends and family that it passed for fear of having to tell friends later that yep, it was supposed to move ahead, but then it didn't work out. I am not a pessimist. I so rarely take any road besides optimism. But I'm a little scared to be optimistic. So don't think I'm Debbie Downer. I'm really not feeling that way; just feeling cautious.
And I am moving ahead. Sent off that application for a teaching job in Nanaimo, but haven't yet heard back besides confirmation that they'd received it. I'm really hoping they will call though.
Another ball in the air for me is that I've made the decision to look into fostering. My mam is a foster parent and I know the good it can do, and I know the need that there is. I mean, I'm not going to take in kids with severe behaviors or predators who could turn my sweet guy into a victim; I know that there are some risks. But there are risks with anything, and parenting is about minimizing the big ones. I know kids in care who are amazing and just got the crap end of the stick. So I think if I don't get the job in BC, I will foster here. I'll take a break when my girl comes home, but that could be some time, so I'll let someone else borrow her room in the meantime. Not all the stuff I've set aside for her. Just her room. Our bonus [foster] child will have special stuff that I'm picking out just for him or her. I think it'll be a good thing.
I am sure that God has a plan. And he is faithful and I know all will work out for good. But I don't know what that good will be, so for now, I'll just be quiet and trust in Him. Do you hear that God? I'm trusting in you.