I guess I should be glad. I mean, there are definitely times when I'm stressed out by the wait, but it is, thankfully, not a constant state of being. I understand why people stress about it. These timelines are not as predicted, but, seriously, has anything gone as expected for any of us? It seems to me that this is the nature of adoption. From anywhere, but especially from a foreign country. Maybe I'm a bit more laid back (at least most of the time) because I already have a five-year-old to distract me. I know I'm lucky to have already started my family. I have to think that it is easier for the already parenting than for those that are waiting.
But I really don't get the constant stress of some. Maybe it's just not in my nature to stress. Well, I kind of work on things based on priority. And when something is about to expire or when something must be done, then I will make it happen. It's not always pretty, I'll admit. The purchase of my house this summer is a good example of this. I needed people of various agencies to send off paperwork to my lawyer so she could release the money to the other lawyer. Only nothing went as planned. And I kept going, "It'll work out; don't worry," until it was an hour from deadline, and still nobody had their crap together. It was an ugly hour for me. High stress; entirely too much crying; yelling at people from the royal bank and student loans who kept telling me the same crap I'd been told for days: "It's coming." Not good enough at that point. And it wasn't pretty, but it got done. And I think I'd rather have one really manic hour than a longer less-stressed-but-still-stressed period of time. I don't know.
And maybe it's that I was able and willing to change my request to a toddler, so the wait will hopefully not be as long, but even before, it wasn't the wait that was hard in and of itself, it was the knowing that my kids' ages were getting further and further apart. We have our yahoo! group for the purpose of info sharing and support and venting, but when everyone jumps in saying it is taking so long, I find it a little frustrating. And yes, I know some people will be ticked at me for saying so, but this is adoption people. The process is bumpy and sucky and unpredictable, and long, but that's what we've all signed up for, whether you knew it or not at the beginning. I mean, I had no idea what I was getting into. I remember commenting on Laura's blog two years ago that wait times were supposed to be 2-4 months. Oh, how naive I was. They just got their referral recently.
But you know what I am thankful for? People like Laura/ Chad and Carolyn/ Adam and Malia's mom, who get the short end of the stick -- long waits and heartbreaks. Not because I'm a horrible person who likes to watch others suffer; let's be clear. But because these are people who endure and push forward and inspire me to do the same. And I know most people don't have horrible roadblocks to persist through (please don't think I consider your heartaches as mere roadblocks -- I say it because I can't think of another word, but want it clear that no disrespect is meant), but I also know it is possible. It steels me, makes me ready to absorb the shock of what may come. And makes me thankful when nothing bad is happening. Adopters, if a long wait is the worst part of the journey, be thankful that that is it. Our adoptions will go through in time. We will all be parents at some point. When people are trying to conceive, things rarely go exactly as planned, so why should it for adoption? These are the labor pains. But with labor comes children. It will happen.
I can highly recommend it!
4 months ago