Soooo... I think I might be done. Sounds like adoptions are slowing way down due to policy changes in Ethiopia (some sound good, some less so), my agency has been completely ignoring me for a solid month now -- not returning calls or emails, so, yeah. I think I'm done. I won't pull my file, but it seems highly unlikely that it is going to be moving off a desk in Ontario any time soon, and so I guess I need to move on with life and kiss my someday girl, and a load of cash good-bye. This sucks. I'm now bracing myself for the news that my realistic self says is coming around the corner: this is not to be. I don't know what to say to my son. Do I say anything? Do I just stop talking about adoption and hope he forgets? Just when I think my outlook can't get more bleak, somehow it manages.
So now what? Paint her room? Box up her toys? Donate her clothes (Or ebay them? They really are lovely.) I think the first two for sure -- maybe make an office I don't need. And then put it all in storage somewhere that I don't need to look at it anymore.
FML.
Home!
8 years ago
5 comments:
Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!
I've been out of the loop for months, saw your blog (and the new blog name!) on my iGoogle home page and had to come see WTFIGO.
God, I wish you had a light at the end of the tunnel. I wish I knew the words to help you through this. Please know my thoughts and prayers are with you and your son. And being the eternal optimistic that I am, I will hold out hope that your file will make it through (please don't close it!).
Ugh. It all sucks - mainly, of course, believing that this journey may not lead to a child, but everything else, too - the money, the time, the decorating, the dreaming, the bringing others in on the excitement...I do hope for you, that there may be a joyful conclusion yet...and I also know that you may choose otherwise, or that circumstances may choose for you. This messy process leaves its mark, for sure. I will never know why we had to invest so much (in so many ways) in a process that dead-ended. I, too, packed up nurseries, then re-decorated for older kids...then un-packed and re-decorated the nurseries again...so much up and down and unknown and second-guessing. Sometimes wanting to remain focused and invested, at other times thinking it best to take a step back and either re-evaluate or focus elsewhere for a while. Hoping there is peace and clarity for you soon.
Melissa,
I am so sorry that it has come to this. It is so hard to be stuck in a line that is not moving... not knowing if it will ever move again. I get the same vibe about E and it will be a real miracle if we can bring B home... I am so so sorry Melissa - I wish it could have all ended differently.
I'm so truly sorry it been like this for you Melissa. It's more heartache than I would wish on anyone. Wishing you peace while you move ahead and decide what life is going to look like now. I think your need to re-focus makes complete sense. There's only so long a person can put her life on hold. For as long as you don't pull your file, I will hope for a miracle for you.
I've been thinking about you since you posted and been struggling for words words. They're still inadequate, but just know that I'm hoping for the very best for you while you go through all this.
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