This is Adoption, People.

I guess I should be glad. I mean, there are definitely times when I'm stressed out by the wait, but it is, thankfully, not a constant state of being. I understand why people stress about it. These timelines are not as predicted, but, seriously, has anything gone as expected for any of us? It seems to me that this is the nature of adoption. From anywhere, but especially from a foreign country. Maybe I'm a bit more laid back (at least most of the time) because I already have a five-year-old to distract me. I know I'm lucky to have already started my family. I have to think that it is easier for the already parenting than for those that are waiting.
But I really don't get the constant stress of some. Maybe it's just not in my nature to stress. Well, I kind of work on things based on priority. And when something is about to expire or when something must be done, then I will make it happen. It's not always pretty, I'll admit. The purchase of my house this summer is a good example of this. I needed people of various agencies to send off paperwork to my lawyer so she could release the money to the other lawyer. Only nothing went as planned. And I kept going, "It'll work out; don't worry," until it was an hour from deadline, and still nobody had their crap together. It was an ugly hour for me. High stress; entirely too much crying; yelling at people from the royal bank and student loans who kept telling me the same crap I'd been told for days: "It's coming." Not good enough at that point. And it wasn't pretty, but it got done. And I think I'd rather have one really manic hour than a longer less-stressed-but-still-stressed period of time. I don't know.
And maybe it's that I was able and willing to change my request to a toddler, so the wait will hopefully not be as long, but even before, it wasn't the wait that was hard in and of itself, it was the knowing that my kids' ages were getting further and further apart. We have our yahoo! group for the purpose of info sharing and support and venting, but when everyone jumps in saying it is taking so long, I find it a little frustrating. And yes, I know some people will be ticked at me for saying so, but this is adoption people. The process is bumpy and sucky and unpredictable, and long, but that's what we've all signed up for, whether you knew it or not at the beginning. I mean, I had no idea what I was getting into. I remember commenting on Laura's blog two years ago that wait times were supposed to be 2-4 months. Oh, how naive I was. They just got their referral recently.
But you know what I am thankful for? People like Laura/ Chad and Carolyn/ Adam and Malia's mom, who get the short end of the stick -- long waits and heartbreaks. Not because I'm a horrible person who likes to watch others suffer; let's be clear. But because these are people who endure and push forward and inspire me to do the same. And I know most people don't have horrible roadblocks to persist through (please don't think I consider your heartaches as mere roadblocks -- I say it because I can't think of another word, but want it clear that no disrespect is meant), but I also know it is possible. It steels me, makes me ready to absorb the shock of what may come. And makes me thankful when nothing bad is happening. Adopters, if a long wait is the worst part of the journey, be thankful that that is it. Our adoptions will go through in time. We will all be parents at some point. When people are trying to conceive, things rarely go exactly as planned, so why should it for adoption? These are the labor pains. But with labor comes children. It will happen.

Where I'm At

So the home study update is completed and, as far as I know, has been sent to the province for approval. I had high hopes that what with more referrals on the horizon, and the update being so much smaller than the original home study, that it would be a much shorter processing time this go around. I was silly to hope -- this is the government after all. It goes in the same pile as other updates and home studies and they are processed in order. I was told it should be about four weeks, so I'm hoping for six. Sigh.
On a similar topic, I applied for a position with Child and Youth Services (government), as a social worker, hoping that I might get a position in E-town, so I could be near the family and, you know, live in the house I just bought. But again, although based on what I gather from people within the department, I have the experience that would basically ensure an interview for the position, I have now been waiting nearly seven weeks since the posting closed. According to the government website, they are still screening applicants, but the truth is, the fact that they have not interviewed/ called/ hired me by know means I can't wait anymore. I can't carry two mortgages, plus all applicable taxes and bills. I have to rent out my brand new place. I hate it. It's like buying a new pair of shoes and offering to have the neighbor borrow them for a week before I get to wear them. But what with a possible referral looming in the next few months (I hope), it does not make sense to move for a say, October start date. So I think I'll stay in P-town teaching this year (I AM excited about my assignment for this upcoming year), until I pass court and can move to Ethiopia. I'll have someone sign a lease on my new place until the end of June, and when I go to Ethiopia, I'll put my other place up for sale or maybe rent if I know someone good who is looking. That actually works out okay, because then I won't (I hope) have any bills to worry about back home while I'm in Ethiopia, and it's a good thing, since I'll be living on 55% parental leave pay.
I did look at rental properties in Addis Ababa and it looks like I can find a place for $260-500 per month. I don't know if any utilities are included. But I also found a forum that discussed the best way to find a place to rent there, and it said that basically you should go, and stay at a guest house for the first few days while you get your footing. Then figure out what area you want to live in, ask where the government apartments are, and then wander on down. Someone's job is to hang out by the apartment and answer questions and recruit renters. So you talk to that guy and you're in! Okay, it's not the way we do it, but it makes sense and I think that's the route I'll take. I need to be economical, and I know that Ethiopia is not real expensive, but the fact that we will be living there for months??? I need to play it safe. So I'll get a smallish place, buy the minimal furniture and housewares I'll need, and live the sweet life. After some encouragement from Laura and Joy (thanks guys), I'm feeling a bit better about it. There are times when I definitely worry -- fear of the unknown -- but there are times too, when I am excited and looking forward to living in what people have described as a beautiful, safe, lush, friendly country. When I come back for a year with my kids when they are both in elementary (I am planning to go for a year to teach at Bingham Academy in Addis), I hope to have a sense of coming home. I really want to settle in while we wait for visas and really enjoy being a stay-at-home mam, and living there.
We headed out to the Heritage Days Festival, and I waited all afternoon to spend my food tickets until we got to the Ethiopia booth. And when we got there... no food! They hadn't started making it yet! Boo. I went to Eritrea, and had alicha and injera. Oh, delight. I was satisfied. And I chatted with this beautiful little Ethiopian girl there too. Is it just me, or are there a disproportionate number of stunning Ethiopian women?
Anyway...
Encouragement: Referrals are moving... special congrats to Chad and Laura! I had been waiting to see them get their match for too long. But now they've added a sweet baby boy to their family. So exciting!
Discouragement: My PRV Sponsorship has become invalid. I was told by CIC to email Nairobi to get it back (they said it had been sent there), and then I could possibly just resubmit it. Nairobi has no record of my application. This just affirms my idea that I should be renting in Addis and get ready to wait. Sigh.

Don't Judge Me -- I'm Human

Well, we are well into summer holidays, and are in relax mode -- sort of. My fella learned to ride his bike without training wheels early this summer, and now we're at this sweet age where we can exercise together, him on his bike and me on my rollerblades. I love it. And I realize that this is probably short-lived as I will hopefully have a second little one home by next summer.
So I am waiting for my update to be signed off at the Adoption By Choice then sent to the province for signing. I hope it doesn't take as long as the original signing. I would like to think it won't because it's only a few pages long, and only mentions changes that have happened in the last two years. The original was 18 pages and took over a month to get back from the province. And if I'm looking at the yahoo group spreadsheet (which I do -- religiously -- even on weekends), I can only see two families ahead of me with similar requests. Only one that is the same.
So here I am, stomach churning, feeling for the first time like this is the real deal. I AM going to be a parent of two. Soonish. Like I think it's realistic to think I might have a referral this fall. I get butterflies just thinking about it. I mean I knew that applying to adopt was likely to lead to adoption, but now, it's coming. I haven't read any posts that show the sort of anxiety I'm feeling. I mean, it's not a bad-anxious. But it's like stress. Like I have a dream coming true but I'm not sure I can handle it. I mean, I will handle it. It's what I do... And I think I do it well. I love my life and my kid and my students. But I'm a leap-before-looking kind of girl. I see something I like, and I go for it. And I choose not to consider the impact of my actions at times, and then I deal with whatever else comes with it. "Deal with" sounds negative, but it's usually not; I just can't find a euphemism for it. I'm anxious I guess because my emotions are going in different directions: excitement, hope, joy, and panic. Well, panic is the far end of the spectrum, it's not that exactly, more like fear. Because I've also made the choice to live in Ethiopia from court to visa -- about five months. And my mam will be with me for the first couple of weeks, and then I'm on my own in a foreign country with two kids, in a rented apartment, where I don't know the language. Maybe that's the source of much of my anxiety. It is a little scary to think. And I know that if I take my girl and something happens, that I can't leave Ethiopia. Yeah, I think that is a big source of stress. But I want to do it. Those scary things are always worth doing. Because travel and adventure is always a cause of growth. And once I'm there, I know it'll be good. I just need to get there and get in there and it will be fine. It's like standing at the top of a high diving board. I never want to jump, but when my feet leave the board, I'm all good.